


Anything You Can Do

by Medie



Category: Iron Man (2008)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-27
Updated: 2010-03-27
Packaged: 2017-10-08 08:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/74798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Medie/pseuds/Medie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Are you kidding me? He was wearing polyester, Pepper. <i>Polyester</i>." He shudders. "There are crimes against humanity and then there's polyester."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anything You Can Do

**Author's Note:**

> written for [](http://batmite.livejournal.com/profile)[**batmite**](http://batmite.livejournal.com/) for my Birthday Drabble-A-Thon.

There are days. Well, if Pepper is going to be honest – and really, her extremely overpriced analyst would say it's for the best – she should say there are days and then there are _DAYS_. Those are the ones in which day absolutely must be capitalized and, possibly, spoken by Aretha Franklin. Possibly at a pitch which would cause glass to shatter and the neighborhood dogs – if there were actually any dogs in said neighborhood. Or a neighborhood at all for that matter – to howl for three days straight.

She has a lot of days like that. She works for Tony Stark. Tony seems to consider it a point of honor if he can, successfully, scare Pepper so badly her voice hits that pitch all on its own.

Yes, she really is working for the world's oldest toddler. She suspects a degree in child psychology would not go astray.

"You know, Potts, it's occurred to me." Tony flops down beside her, stretching out his legs and wiggling his toes. They're covered in engine grease, but that's nothing new. So is the rest of him. She idly considers reminding him to wear shoes, but that seems to just invite his commentary on _her_ shoes and that never ends well. She likes shoe shopping as much as the next woman, okay, possibly more, but the last time? Tony made the salesman cry. In two different stores.

Pepper's shoe fetish isn't quite _that_ extreme. She hasn't set foot, pun aside, in those stores since, but she's reasonably certain their pictures are probably posted by the cash. She'd like to be able to continue visiting the rest. Prudently, she tucks her bare foot beneath her and puts down her PDA. He's watching her, eyes alight with a mischief, and she realizes.

The suit is being repainted. Dinged to hell and back due to an unfortunate encounter with a trash compactor and the Hulk in a bad mood – yes, she _knows_. So does Tony. So does Rhodey, Jarvis, and _Dummy_. And yet, Damascus Road moment aside, Tony's judgment is, well, still _Tony's_. Reasons aside, the suit is being repainted and Tony can't tinker.

At least not with Iron Man. She looks at him again, confirms it, and sighs inwardly. She is already a highly-educated woman, but, one should never stop learning.

Pepper makes a note. She needs to compile a list of universities with good juvenile psychology programs. Particularly if the noises Tony keeps making about a 'team' and Nick Fury are right.

She considers running, but she'd never get her shoe on before he realized and with only one shoe, she thinks he'd catch up. Damn it. Deciding that surrendering without bloodshed, at least until a better plan presents itself, is the better option, Pepper takes a breath. "What's occurred to you, Mr. Stark?"

He grins. "I ever mention I love it when you say my name like that?"

"Like what?" asks Pepper. Somewhere in her head, in the section marked "Stark Banalities" a little warning bell goes off. There's sexual innuendo incoming.

"Kinda breathy, like you're sighing it out." He waggles his eyebrows at her. It's slightly alarming. Eyebrows should never be waggled. Ever. She's quite sure its a law. If it isn't, they can get it passed. She makes a note of that too. "It's kinda hot, frankly. Makes -- "

"So, what occurred to you?" Pepper always cuts him off before he can start speculating on her favorite sexual positions. The fact he's right the majority of the time? It's more alarming than the eyebrow waggles. Though only just.

They're really very disturbing.

"Well, I was getting to that," says Tony. "I was just detouring into the part where you're an exceptionally bea -- "

"_Tony_."

He smirks. "Right. Occurring. We need a manual."

"A manual?"

"Right, a manual. You know, those things they include with stuff, telling you how to do a bunch of things you already know, but they tell you in fifty different languages. Half of which nobody speaks and half of which I'm not even sure are real languages. You know, I've always wondered if you could, conceivably, teach yourself to speak those languages. At least, get yourself started, you know? I mean "insert tab a into slot b' in Czech isn't really _that_ useful, right?"

She gets it a half-second before he does and cringes. Oh god, she's starting to think like him. That's not good. Maybe calling that school in Westchester is a good idea. The job offer sounded fairly lucrative and it would be nice to have seasons again.

Especially ones not involving earthquakes, fires, and mudslides. She loves California, but it can give Tony a run for his money in the melodrama department. Which wasn't even something Pepper would have thought possible.

He smirks wider. "You know, that _could_ come in handy now that I think about it."

"It could also get you slapped. Many times." Pepper brushes a hair away from her face and smiles cheerfully. "Possibly also castrated." Which is less out of the realm of possibility than one would think. He's actually been threatened with it a number of times.

Some of them were even people other than Pepper or Rhodey. Okay, not Rhodey. Tony makes a great wingman. Well, when he isn't an attention-grabbing -

Scratch that. Tony is a _terrible_ wingman and Rhodey is far too forgiving.

So is Pepper. She cocks an eyebrow at him. "Why do we need a manual?"

"Well, I'm totally new to the superhero gig. I have no idea what I'm doing. I need the help. Say, did you know I can get sued? LA wants to sue me for that mess last month." Tony sniffs. "As if."

Pepper makes yet another note. Give the gang in Legal _another_ raise. They're already the highest paid lawyers in the state. Country, even. They're also massively underpaid.

Really. Have you met Tony Stark?

"You did destroy five cop cars and a bodega." Pepper frowns. "Also a three year old's tricycle."

"I fixed it!" defends Tony.

"You _pimped_ it." Pepper pictures Tony's plane with the poles she's not supposed to know about (as if) and shudders. "You probably scarred him for life."

Tony snorts. "Are you kidding me? He was wearing polyester, Pepper. _Polyester_." He shudders. "There are crimes against humanity and then there's polyester." He brightens. "Can we put that in the manual?"

"Put what in what manual?"

"I can arrest people for wearing polyester."

"Not unless you're Tim Gunn," says Pepper. She looks at him. "Just design a new car for the LAPD and give them a few prototypes for free. They'll forget all about it." Or not. It is an election year.

"Good idea," says Tony. "After I finish the manual." He looks at her. "We'll need a section for you too. I mean, you've got the trusty sidekick gig down."

"I am not your sidekick," says Pepper, calm and even.

"Oh, you totally are," says Tony. "Trust me. Have you seen Dummy in tights? It's a disaster. We won't even talk about Rhodey and Jarvis doesn't have legs. You're it, Potts."

She rolls her eyes. "No."

"Yes." He bats his eyelashes at her. "Oh, come on, Pepper. You know you can't say no to me."

Pepper puts on her shoe. She leans across the open space, pleased by the way Tony sits up sharply. She waits a second, letting her lips part. Tony's eyes darken as he watches. His fingers dig into the couch.

When he starts to lean toward her, she smiles pertly. "No."

She's out of the room before he can recover. Which is good. There'll be hell to pay for that one.

Pepper makes a note about that too.


End file.
